One thing that I find weird about the Western (perhaps just American) way of raising kids is that the retired population is surprisingly uninvolved in the raising of their grandchildren. It seems like an economic inefficiency when parents are spending so much money on childcare while old people are feeling increasingly lonely.
Good point. I am an Indian, raised in India, came to US at 19.
I notice the same thing here. We have neighbors who are white and have their grandkids over every day. It is very refreshing to see.
However, it is a rare thing to see at the same time. I have never seen other native born Americans talk about their grandkids or heard of them being involved in their upbringing.
I am cautious of the stereotypes such as when they retire, they just want to be left alone, travel and not be bothered. But the stories where they end up in old age homes while their children are fully grown adults and successful, are far too often. This doesn't make sense to me because on one hand they would look forward to their children and grandchildren visiting them in their old age homes, on the other hand they don't want to live together.
Sure, I am fine with the idea "if it works for them, then good for them", but it doesn't seem to work for them.
So to summarize, I think the American culture is still trying to figure itself out. Perhaps things would fall into place in a generation or two after learning from other cultures (and of course, other cultures learning some good things from American culture).
Assuming people have a good relationship with their parents, they would want them to be involved in their children's lives.
The bigger issue, in my social circles at least, is that Americans don't live near the grandparents. The economic opportunities exist in a certain few areas, and either the parents aren't willing to take the economic/quality of life hit to leave near their grandparents, or the grandparents can't afford to come live near the grandkids. Especially in the "good school" district areas.
The best situation I've seen is from Everybody Loves Raymond, grandparents nearby, but still in a separate house. But few grandparents will be located in the same neighborhood as the kids. Typically, similar size/price houses are located near each other, and the more expensive homes in with access to better schools come with higher property taxes/maintenance, which older people might not want to pay.
The American family is notoriously unrooted and migratory. People scatter after college and while looking for work. For those that live near their grandchildren, they are as involved as anywhere else I would imagine.
I am from the U.S. My mother has my kids at least two days a week. It saves me money, gives her an excuse to come over, and the kids love it. After I finish working we will typically make dinner together. I did not have this sort of experience growing up and I'm really glad things have worked out this way for my kids.
If only I could get her to stop cleaning everything while she's at my house and filling my fridge with vegan alternatives.
I'm not sure what her preference is, and it isn't something that has been discussed. For context, my mother is in her early sixties and still works part-time.
I think this varies a lot by social/educational group. College educated folks often end up moving to different cities for college and then work so grandparents aren’t in the same place any longer (and with multiple kids in different cities could not be for all of them.)
There are a lot of grand parents involved in the young, then the kids grow up and teens just don't need as much time and so the grand parents are lonely. There are a lot of lonely great-grand parents that someone fit into this. There are a lot of people who don't live close to the grand parents (but may have a sibling who does).
