I got burned out so bad a few year back (2015-my fist and only time) I was not able to focus on anything for almost 14 months.
Still feels surreal thinking about it. Had parts for rebuild my rack and everything in it and was not able to gather my thought to set anything up. I failed to install even a basic ubuntu server in 1-2 tries.
Apart from tending to the flowers in the garden, cutting grass and cooking... I was good for nothing. Watching a movie? Autoplay on youtube was it. Just sit there until 2AM watching <random>. Shopping for groceries? good joke. Sleeping? I was dreaming I'm in the office half the time. I had a flipping server chasing me down the rail track a few times because it didn't like the transcoding settings. Eh. Not pleasant but I'm counting it as a lesson in life.
I digress. What I'm trying to say is that I envy people that can get out of it so fast.
Got burn out too. I've incredible hard time to have my brain to function properly even after 1.5 years of no work. Non functioning brain means (at 45 years old):
- you understand new concepts (in my case maths) very slowly (that is about 10x times slower than before)
- you memorize very slowly (I can reliably compare myself to 22 years old students, I need about 5 times more time to memorize a course than them; and I was a very good student at their age).
- anything even remotely stressful is tough. Remotely stressful = plan something to do the week end; cook a new recipe (I'm a good cook and I used to love cooking); do paperwork; listen to the kids for more than 15 minutes;...
So burn out is (as said by many) a completely different thing than "exhausted". Burn out means : your brain is fucked up for a very long period of time.
The hardest part for me is to think about the future. I just can't. And that generates a lot of anxiety... And that adds to the very bad shape...
I used to be able to learn new tech quickly, bang out tons of work, and be able to context switch / multi-task with ease.
I can't bring myself to do my taxes. I feel it's only a matter of time until I get fired. I try hard to get back into work, but my brain just won't let me. I'll then spend more time in front of the computer to try and catch up which just makes it worse. Doing any type of work is like pulling teeth just to get started. Don't know what I'm going to do. The worst part is I get angry about it.
Get some help. You'll be heard and possibly understood. You'll realize you're not alone which helps to feel a bit less bad about it. You'll learn to live with the situation (because, in my case, that's the only way out). You'll sure change a little bit too, just like I am changing. You'll make bad choices again too, it happens.
Adaptation is our better weapon, but it takes an awful lot of time... But get some help 'cos, well, it helps. And hopefully, we'll recover at some point, in a not too distant future...
> ...I was dreaming I'm in the office half the time. I had a flipping server chasing me down the rail track a few times because it didn't like the transcoding settings.
That sounds like a full on PTSD! Hope you're feeling better since and the "bad chi" got purged from your internal storage, so to speak.
I wish I could say I got over it on my own with sheer will but it was thanks to my wife. She pulled me back bit by bit.
As for bad qi... Most of it gone. My biggest regret is that my wife had to go through keeping the house toghether on her own while all of this was happening.
P.S. I do apppologise if my thought are a bit messy. That whole aspect of my life is somewhat blurry and only remember some part of it. Looking back it's like watching a bad movie that you can only remember a few really bad scenes from. What I remember very well is that sense of helplessness. I don't wish that to anyone.
I got burned out so bad a few year back (2015-my fist and only time) I was not able to focus on anything for almost 14 months.
Still feels surreal thinking about it. Had parts for rebuild my rack and everything in it and was not able to gather my thought to set anything up. I failed to install even a basic ubuntu server in 1-2 tries.
Apart from tending to the flowers in the garden, cutting grass and cooking... I was good for nothing. Watching a movie? Autoplay on youtube was it. Just sit there until 2AM watching <random>. Shopping for groceries? good joke. Sleeping? I was dreaming I'm in the office half the time. I had a flipping server chasing me down the rail track a few times because it didn't like the transcoding settings. Eh. Not pleasant but I'm counting it as a lesson in life.
I digress. What I'm trying to say is that I envy people that can get out of it so fast.