I want to throw out there that HN is not going to have the average compassion and emotional intelligence to give you good advice. You need to hire yourself a life coach or work with a therapist (which in your case would serve the same purpose). It may not seem it to you, but you are very young still. You have more growing to do and everyone needs trusted advisors.
Also, the world is full of "lies" and most people believe them like facts. These un-truths or unhelpful-truths tend to not do you have favors. They are spread because they are attractive or convenient or benefit someone else's agenda.
Here some things you talked about that you should press x to doubt on:
A Rockstar programmer isn't a desirable professional to hire any more than actual rockstars. All stars are rare and have a big network of people around them enabling then. A lot of the work they get credit for comes from other people.
All performance is 80% situational. We are not islands. Great people in bad situations are failures. Failures in great situations are rockstars.
28 is not old. Teenagers can spend their time being children without affecting their future job prospects. People can spend their 20's partying and still run for office. Most of us get many chances in life.
Hard work does not pay off. (This one is starting to break through for you and is the main reason for your post). Luck pays off. Who you know pays off. Who you can convince pays off. Effort is not linearly correlated with reward and can often be uncorrelated. Lots of people who want to pay you a wage to do things they would rather not do would like you and everyone else to believe otherwise.
Lots of people would like to convince you that your self worth should come from them, from the money they give you, the title they give you and all of the things you can do for them. Do not listen to these people. You are the only person in the world who can properly value you. When it comes to your self-worth, you have the only opinion that matters.
This is great, I would upvote it more if I could. Also very accurate on the lack of required empathy.
The combination of your last points and "hard work does not pay off" are something that it took me until 32 (and arguably then only because of lockdowns) to learn. Working hard on your employer's problems is unlikely to be fulfilling, they will never give you the influence or credit you want (or maybe deserve?) because of "hard work". Working hard on your own things or with people you care about is where you can earn fulfillment. And I don't mean a $10,000/month side hustle, I mean tiny incremental improvements on things you enjoy but may suck at. For me it's been attempting to learn another spoken language, which I'm still comically bad at 3 years later, and some other hobbies which I'm also lower-end-of-the-curve bad at but get a lot of enjoyment from.
28 is approaching old for very certain things. But a career as an engineer is not one of them. There are opportunities that are lost with time, but they're also a lot fewer than someone saying they missed the boat at 28 might feel.
As a very specific example - many olympic athletes peak in 20-25, and for the most part if someone is much older than that they were already exceptional in their 20-25 range and are now riding a decline eg Michael Phelps for swimming, or as i understand it gymnasts.
IIRC there is actually research to the contrary about starting a business that 40yr olds actually have really great odds due to network, experience, maturity etc. They make up for the cliche lack of inventiveness/newness with being experienced in handling the harder things that every business encounters (setbacks, hr bombs, firing etc).
I list it separate from luck because there's actually a lot of control we can exercise on our environments. A lot of people are very bad at this. Our default is often to cope rather than make a change. People get into bad situations mostly due to luck since you never have perfect information before saying yes to a new job, a new partner, a new city. But then once the bad situation is clear, people don't make a change because they have too much ego (this is who I am), fatalism (this is what I deserve), obligation (only I could do this), misplaced optimism (I can fix it), fear (it would only be worse), and adaptation (I'll get used to it).
Sometimes quiting a job is just as important for your career growth as accepting a job. Be a great quitter.
Hard work does not pay off. (This one is starting to break through for you and is the main reason for your post). Luck pays off. Who you know pays off.
This is all true but misses the key point.
Hard work can be incredibly powerful but only if channeled wisely.
I think you miss my point. You still have faith in the meritocracy. A combination of hard work and smart work should surely pay off. Right? Please? The just get what they deserve? Most people with power and money earned it and are deserving of it? What? No?
This is something people really want to be true. The world would be better if it were true. Things would be simpler and more explainable. I am accumulating a lifetime of evidence that it is not. Damn.
Also, the world is full of "lies" and most people believe them like facts. These un-truths or unhelpful-truths tend to not do you have favors. They are spread because they are attractive or convenient or benefit someone else's agenda.
Here some things you talked about that you should press x to doubt on:
A Rockstar programmer isn't a desirable professional to hire any more than actual rockstars. All stars are rare and have a big network of people around them enabling then. A lot of the work they get credit for comes from other people.
All performance is 80% situational. We are not islands. Great people in bad situations are failures. Failures in great situations are rockstars.
28 is not old. Teenagers can spend their time being children without affecting their future job prospects. People can spend their 20's partying and still run for office. Most of us get many chances in life.
Hard work does not pay off. (This one is starting to break through for you and is the main reason for your post). Luck pays off. Who you know pays off. Who you can convince pays off. Effort is not linearly correlated with reward and can often be uncorrelated. Lots of people who want to pay you a wage to do things they would rather not do would like you and everyone else to believe otherwise.
Lots of people would like to convince you that your self worth should come from them, from the money they give you, the title they give you and all of the things you can do for them. Do not listen to these people. You are the only person in the world who can properly value you. When it comes to your self-worth, you have the only opinion that matters.